Sometime between 2004 and 2014 I became an elderly person. I can’t remember when the transition actually occurred, or whether it was an immediate change or a slow and mildly painful process. You may be thinking, “How do you know you’re elderly, Merritt?” And I’d tell you that there are a few glaring signs:
- Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber. Please do not even. I just can’t. I’m sad for the kids today.
- Cigarettes. There was a time when cigarettes were not the most disgusting thing in the world to me. There may have been a time when they were mildly amazing and enjoyed. Now is not that time. I can smell them miles away and I gag. Truly the worst thing in the world, ever.**
- NPR and XPN. What the hell? Yes, every morning, it’s NPR and/or XPN. Because I can’t handle the morning shows. With the occasional exception for Preston & Steve, when the kids aren’t in the car.
- The proportion of flats to heels in my closet. Because I value comfort. I repeat, what the hell.
(**#firstworldproblems and so on and etc.)
BUT. There is nothing that makes me realize just how elderly I am more than New Year’s Eve. Seriously. And it’s not just because champagne gives me a headache, which it does.
For a while, we’d go out and do something fun for New Year’s Eve – go to a bar or a party. But it just stopped being fun. Crowds of people, expensive drinks, crappy food. Blah. And then there were a few years I was pregnant or nursing teeny tiny babies, and there was really no point. For the past few years, one of my best friends has thrown a great “New Year’s at 9” party – she has an open house where we all pretend it’s New Year’s at 9pm and countdown to “midnight”, sip some champagne, and then take the kids home. Which is just genius. Unfortunately, since the holidays fall in the middle of the week this year, I have to work and have zero vacation days left to enjoy any parties. And I’m sad about that. Which got me thinking: New Year’s Eve is my least favorite holiday.
Every year I feel like we’re supposed to be somewhere fantastic having an amazing time, or marking the night in our little history – remembering the good, forgetting the bad. It’s like I have a Kate Hudson chick-flick happening in my head. Complete with sparkly dress and out-of-character accessories.
And don’t get me started on resolutions. In theory, it’s a great concept. But seriously, how many of us are still reading one book a week in March? Are we still getting up at 5am to do our sun salutations and journaling on St. Patty’s Day? Um, no. I have one resolution this year. It’s not really earth shattering. But if I remember it occasionally, maybe I’ll feel better.
And on top of all of that: be patient, be kind, eat better, workout more, try to be skinny, spend more time with my family, maintain regular eyebrow appointments, stick to a grocery budget, clean out the closets, wear sunscreen.
So now, you go. Have you ever made a New Year’s resolution that actually worked? Do you make the same ones every year and fail miserably? Do you have awesome plans that you can brag about and make the rest of us feel bad? Will you wake up at 11:45 and wonder who the musical performer is with Ryan Seacrest and be angry about it but watch it anyway? (Hint: that last one is me.)
Happy New Year!! Thanks for spending the past few months with us, and we hope you stick around for more fun in 2014!